Over the next two days, I have the best shiatsu treatment of my life (one of many excellent therapies on offer).
I dutifully go to several more classes that are variations on relaxation techniques and CBT.
During one terrifying lecture, Dr Philip Eichling, the ranch's sleep specialist, gives us a stern talking-to about the 'half life' of caffeine, which is about seven hours.
This means there is still half a serving of caffeine in your blood seven hours after your first latte, and an eighth of a serving is still there the next morning.
What I thought louis vuitton replica bags a reasonable intake (three servings before 2pm) means I constantly have caffeine in my system.
Back home, I slash my coffee intake, hide the bedroom clock, and do the dreadfully boring breathing exercises when I'm lying awake.
I start to take my drugs less often, as I slowly regain confidence in my ability to sleep.
Months later, I'm still struggling - and I imagine I always will - but my pill-popping has dropped massively, and many mornings I triumphantly wake from anothernon-medicated sleep.
But like any diet, it's a start.
For the next five days, www.tophandbagshere.com meals vary but the routine is the same, although the hike lengths slide up to 13 miles.
So-called Toxic Tuesdays' are deemed the worst in terms of physical and mental anguish.
Wednesday is a watershed, the start of the home straight.
The other bigpsychological pay-off is the beauty of Mallorca.
Every day, despite the puffing, aching and sweating, the views are never short of spectacular.
I fall madly in love with the island.
On Thursday.
when they encourage us to walk in silence, I fail only yards from the summit when the words 'Isn't this Louis Vuitton Damier Ebene Canvas amazing sight? ' burst out.
At the bookend weigh-in, I find I've lostfour pounds and nearly 14 inches off my body including two off my waist and one off my knee, of all places.
I feel triumphant and all my fellow guests have 'the Ashram glow.
The regime is so extreme it cannot be kept up in everyday life, but as the staff say, if we incorporate just a few things into our routines, be it more yoga, going veggie or just drinking the right amount of water, it's going in the right direction.
Namaste.
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